His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
