You're my little dorito
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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