Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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