my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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