He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
