I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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