it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
