I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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