I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
