Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body