Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice