Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i

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  (650): the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i <3 spencer pratt" tattoo... http://tfl.nu/08eh
  Replies (17) Good night (607) Bad night (2055)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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  (720): I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn. http://tfl.nu/6oei
  Replies (8) Good night (2686) Bad night (675)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes

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  (518): I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes http://tfl.nu/yql0
  Replies (18) Good night (3077) Bad night (856)
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  (510): View more from California

  well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen

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  (510): well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen http://tfl.nu/tcr3
  Replies (20) Good night (728) Bad night (5344)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.

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  (515): I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy. http://tfl.nu/r54x
  Replies (8) Good night (817) Bad night (5815)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

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  (580): She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny http://tfl.nu/sg6f
  Replies (12) Good night (1156) Bad night (3330)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

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  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
  Replies (11) Good night (6857) Bad night (1719)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go

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  (205): She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go http://tfl.nu/6usw
  Replies (4) Good night (760) Bad night (1978)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring

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  (931): Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring http://tfl.nu/mtnj
  Replies (2) Good night (1284) Bad night (639)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity

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  (971): I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity http://tfl.nu/5clm
  Replies (4) Good night (868) Bad night (2841)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.

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  (404): It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcgf
  Replies (3) Good night (979) Bad night (730)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

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  (205): Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation. http://tfl.nu/ln89
  Replies (3) Good night (1505) Bad night (1016)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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  (410): Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/bzly
  Replies (9) Good night (1332) Bad night (363)
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  (347): View more from New York

  My day in three words: secret purse cake

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  (347): My day in three words: secret purse cake http://tfl.nu/hy52
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (318)
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  (530): View more from California

  Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?

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  (530): Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....? http://tfl.nu/utko
  Replies (8) Good night (590) Bad night (332)

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