i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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