Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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