Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon