He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
