She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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