Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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