Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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