im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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