so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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