Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
