All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
