I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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