well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I checked into jail on foursquare
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
