TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
