his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
