I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
