hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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