I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
