Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
