i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
