The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
