Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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