I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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