Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
