My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
