Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im holly from the hills drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
