She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
