I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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