last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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