erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
