dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize