I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
