Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
