She's JV to your varsity
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
