I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
