i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
