I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
