Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
