so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
