So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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