spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
