I am in a vortex of obligation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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