I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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