1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
