# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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