The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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