I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's shark week go big or go home
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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