i barfeds in our rink
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
