apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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