i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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