....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
