The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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