Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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