used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
