He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
