Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
