maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
