My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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