You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
