You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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