Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
