i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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