I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
