rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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