I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
