I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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