After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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