hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
