turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
