it hurts more in the daytime
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
