I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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